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Slacks Diary
by Ranger Extreme
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Tuesday, July 31 2001
July 31st
Dearest Diary,
It was a busy Weekend it was for me. Friday Night I actually did some of
the tasks described in my Job description and began a foreign process to
me called hiring someone that might actually benefit the team. After
hearing that Pavelous Brendl came in 10lbs overweight from eating way to
much Spanish food it dawned on me I think we might need a a new strength
and conditioning coach. This was something so pressing and important I
waited until the following day.
With list in hand I interviewed almost 20 people for the job over the
cellphone from the golf course on Saturday. The 19 who didn’t make it
were all qualified in my eyes but didn’t have some the perks that the
man I eventually hired could bring to the table. The 19 runner-ups were:
Mindy Cohen
Foster Brooks
Walter Hudson
Sid Fernandez
Louie Anderson
Della Reese
Sebastian Cabot
Dinty Moore
Bill Madlock
Leslie West
3 members of the cast “Whats Happening” - Mabel King, Shirley Hemphill
and Fred Berry.
Gorilla Monsoon
Cass Elliot
Buddy Hackett
Chef BoyArDee
Mason Reese
Star Jones.
Do to process of a elimination and being informed by my well chiseled
Caddie that 6 of the 19 canidates for the position were deceased I wittled
My list down to 13. As I sat there in my golfcart sipping a Singapore
Sling and pondering the 13 remaining candidates, I realized after 5
seconds of frustrating brainracking in combination with the advisement
once again by my hunky Caddie Mark Puttenick, that both Dinty Moore and
Chef Boy ArDee were indeed fictional characters and not real people. I
swiftly omitted them from contention.
Now I had my shortlist. That’s when the idea struck me diary! Why not
hire MY caddie. He surely knows how to keep my Clubs in good shape so why
not my million dollar players! Sometimes I am so shrewd I scare myself. I
couldn’t wait to show Putty off so we finished the back Nine early and
headed to my estate for the ”Summer Of Nothing BBQ” I had planned to
host.
The BBQ was a smashing success, People laughed. (Every NHL GM in
attendance, George Mcphee, Jaromir Jagr, Craig Patrick). People cried.
(Me, Low, Kyle, Donnie, Renney) People fought. (Milbury, Wang).
Speaking of the latter couple, Both of them are incorrigible diary. Wang
kept hitting Iron Mike over the head with 2 rolled up unsigned contracts
that I am supposing were for Mike Peca and Alexei Yashin. Wang kept
yelling in Cantonese the words Diu Lee in Mikeys face. I am no
international linguist or a competent NHL GM for that matter, but I know
for sure that doesn’t mean, “good job Mike” In Chinese. All in all
diary a good time was had by all. I even raised some bridge money for the
wifey and me by charging 5 bucks a head.
Sunday unfortunately I also had to play GM for a little while and have a
heart to heart with Theo. We needed to talk one on one and par take in an
intense sit-down to discuss his off ice problems. What better place to do
this then his golf tournament that he holds annually in Alberta? What
better forum to chitchat over his NHL career possibly being in jeopardy
then sitting in a golfcart at a charity golf tourney at the Pine Brook
Country Club? All my best Non-Work is done at these things so it made
perfect sense to me. Plus the biggest bonus of all is I don’t have to
fly all the way to N.Y, I can stay here in Alberta and do my job as NYR
President and GM.
Shortly after I got done shaking hands with Theo, he began boring me with
the details of his substance abuse so I quickly peddled him off to the
press while I took a quick siesta in the golf cart.
After the tournament and the much needed nap I blew Theo off and headed
straight to Mark Puttenicks house to inform he had won the Coaching job.
He was ecstatic to be working for me but when I told him he would still be
paid on caddie salary he seemed to quiet down a lot. I then headed back to
Stately Slacks Manor.
Once home I kicked back and yet again became idiotically content in the
fact that I am doing the best job I can do for the fans back in the Big
Krapple. For once Diary things are going Slacksy’s way. When that
dreaded day finally comes when I am forced out my Alberta exile and have
to go back to N.Y because of that annoying 2001-2001 NYR season I will
indeed arrive with my empty head held high.
Plus I can’t wait to show all my golfing buddies in Westchester my
biggest “Summer Of Nothing” acquisition the newly hired Strength
Coach/ Caddie Mark Puttenick.
Puttenick… hmm… his last name even sounds like golf!
Slacks
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Additional stories from this Author:
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| April 22nd, 2021 |
| MADISON SQUARE GARDEN |
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1 |
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1 |
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0 |
2 |
2 |
4 |
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| ► NEXT GAMES
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Thursday Apr 22nd
7:00pm - Home
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Friday Apr 23rd
7:00pm - Home
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Sunday Apr 25th
6:00pm - Home
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Tuesday Apr 27th
7:00pm - Home
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Thursday Apr 29th
7:00pm - Home
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Saturday May 1st
7:00pm - Road
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Monday May 3rd
7:00pm - Home
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Wednesday May 5th
7:00pm - Home
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Complete Schedule
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September 29th, 2017
How many rostered players were on the ice for opening night 2016-17
Answer...
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| ► STANDINGS
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Team |
GP |
W |
L |
OT |
Pts |
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Flyers |
2 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
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Lightning |
2 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
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Capitals |
2 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
4 |
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Maple Leafs |
3 |
2 |
1 |
0 |
4 |
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| FULL STANDINGS |
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| ► RANDOM RANGER |
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JEFF FINLEY
(1997-1999)
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Born: |
Apr 14 - 1967 |
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Pos: |
Defense |
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GP: |
65 |
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G: |
1 |
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A: |
6 |
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Pts: |
7 |
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PIMs: |
55 |
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