A new summer tale.....
Coachrd
Posted 2012-06-09 12:33 PM (#573181)
Subject: A new summer tale.....


Back by popular request.

Chapter One

And so, it came to pass, that after a fall of anticipation, a winter of hope, and a spring of excitement, the bittersweet reality of another summer’s failure to lift the Holy Grail at MSG fell upon OTG.

As some of the denizens of OTG sat in Mandar’s bar, pondering the answers to his daily poll questions, their mundane, annual summer debates were broken only by the sounds of work being done on the Spirit of ’94, docked nearby. The Delusional Pirates on board the old ship were busy preparing for another summer of high seas adventures, while others were plotting their maneuvers.

It was a “shorter” summer this year. Shorter by almost a month, and the old ship had to be made ready faster, and plotting and planning the summer excursions had to be drawn as quickly as possible. Time was of the essence.

“I don’t understand”, said Pack. The ship’s sniper and special forces’ operative was a veteran of many of the past summer sorties, and usually took a dim view of any lengthy battle plans that were being drawn. “One and done is the best plan.”

“Pack, you can’t always just put a bullet into someone’s head as a solution”, replied the old Coach.

“Quick. Painless. No fuss, no muss.”, answered Pack. “Besides, we have way too many targets on the table to handle in a short summer, unless we do just that.”

The Special Ops Team of OTG was in the final planning stages for the summer’s critical missions. Various targets were being bandied about. This past season, many nefarious evil doers had perpetrated their various crimes upon the Rangers and thereby the residents of OTG. Chief among the criminals and villains was the longtime nemesis of OTG…..Buttman. The Commissioner of the NHL, along with his longtime sidekick, Collie, also known as The Boy Clueless, had frustrated Rangers’ fans everywhere with his political scheming and ploys to try and ensure that the Rangers would never reach their goal of winning Lord Stanley’s Cup.

“He is a villain of the highest degree”, said Mjolnir. The wielder of Thor’s Hammer had always maintained distaste for Buttman and his political machinations. “If this comes down to a vote, I vote we spend our resources this summer getting rid of this SOB once and for all.”

“What about Steven Walkom?”, chimed in Da-Tel. “Worst official out there.”

“Isn’t he blind?”, asked Concust.

“No….he has subjective blindness.”, said Coach. “He sees what he wants to, and doesn’t see what he’s told not to.”

“Buttman!” the group replied in unison.

“Shanahan?”, suggested Vic50. “Those were the strangest decisions I’ve ever seen, especially since they came from a former player. He was supposed to clean Collie’s mess up.”

“Buttman, again!”, mumbled many around the table.

Coach looked around at the group seated around the planning table. This had been an enthralling season, one with so much hope and promise. It had appeared to many that the Holy Grail might be in their grasp for the first time in such a long while. He understood the frustrations….but in the past the evil Buttman and his sidekick had always managed to escape and come back to haunt OTG. Maybe Pack was right this time……..

“It’s apparent Shanny’s not making the decisions”, he said, bluntly. “It all comes down from the top….from Buttman and Collie And they say I’m the puppet master.”

“And you still need to talk this out?”, laughed Pack. The sniper was decidedly a man of action.

“If we rid the league of Buttman and Collie, who would take over as commissioner?”, asked Concust. “With new talks coming up, we have to be assured the successor would be better.”

“Could he be worse?”, replied Da-Tel.

“The problem with Buttman is finding him. With the new CBA, he could be holed up in his secret lair, the ButtCave, trying to stall the talks again. He knows this go around won’t be like the last time.”, answered Coach.

“Finding the ButtCave won’t be easy,” said Mjolnir.

“If anyone can find it, Da-Tel and Pack can.”, said the Coach.

Looking around at the Special Ops team of the Delusional Pirates, the Coach nodded to Pack and Da-Tel. The sniper and the woodpecker smiled, understanding the importance of their mission.

“We’ll need lucifer’s help,” said Da-Tel. The devil himself was OTG resident empirical data analyst. He analyzed and parsed everything, including the all the ingredients on the lunch menu at Mandar’s. “Does he have all the data?”

“He’s analyzing it as we speak.”, replied Concust….”Or over-analyzing it.”

Coach looked at the team. “We can’t justify a killing, Pack. Just find them, kidnap them, and bring them here to be, re-educated. No, um…..accidents. Understood?”

Pack looked forlornly at the ground, but a good soldier never disobeyed orders.

He stood, saluted the group, turned and headed for Lucifer. Da-Tel flew alongside.

And so………..the OTG summer adventure began.




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NTHockey
Posted 2012-06-09 2:32 PM (#573182 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



All-Star

Posts: 2205
1000
Location: Delaware, USA
It's been too long without a summer's tale.

BTW, I'd make it a triple play - Buttman, Collie and Shanny.










Ha, I bet you thougt I was going to say Tortso, didn't you?
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Mandar
Posted 2012-06-09 4:10 PM (#573183 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


MVP

Posts: 9129
5000
Location: Katz Deli....I wish
and the ride begins...........
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Gorox
Posted 2012-06-09 5:06 PM (#573184 - in reply to #573183)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


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Gartner
Posted 2012-06-09 10:48 PM (#573187 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


It would be much better if I was mentioned!
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Ridley18
Posted 2012-06-10 7:56 AM (#573188 - in reply to #573187)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Gartner - 2012-06-09 10:48 PM

It would be much better if I was mentioned!


at least make me some sort of villain........
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Mandar
Posted 2012-06-10 12:54 PM (#573189 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


MVP

Posts: 9129
5000
Location: Katz Deli....I wish
everyone gets in.....we have only just begun....
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Vic50
Posted 2012-06-10 7:13 PM (#573200 - in reply to #573189)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Keep it coming
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Andy Bathgate
Posted 2012-06-11 9:36 AM (#573228 - in reply to #573200)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 18442
10000
Location: NYC & Charlotte, NC
Never thought I see A new Summer Tale again....




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squatch
Posted 2012-06-11 10:19 AM (#573231 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Wow beautiful weekend didn't you guys have ANYTHING better to do with your lives? This is pretty pathetic.
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Coachrd
Posted 2012-06-11 10:42 AM (#573232 - in reply to #573231)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


CHAPTER TWO

Deep in a basement in OTG, lucifer sat, analyzing. He analyzed everything. Every paragraph. Every sentence. Every word.

Pausing at the door and taking a deep breath, Pack knocked.

“why is someone knocking on the door”, thought lucifer

“i am curious as to who would be knocking and why

and the knock is a loud knock so whoever is knocking isn’t hesitant about knocking

so that indicates that the person knocking has come here with a specific intent

which leads me to deduce that if the person has a specific intent then he needs specific information which may or may not be pertinent to any mission that may or may not be undertaken.

if it is a mission then the person knocking is probably either a member of the special operations group or it could also be pack and if it is pack that means that a mission has already been assigned and that he needs specific information”

Pack and Da-Tel looked at each other. They knew lucifer was inside, and Pack, getting impatient, knocked again.

“if the person knocking knocks twice within one minute then the person is obviously either in a hurry or has no patience,” said lucifer to himself

that would indicate that the person knocking might not be pack since pack is a sniper and operative and that requires patience and the person knocking is being an example of an impatient person

which would then indicate that its not pack but probably gartner or the little woodpecker neither of whom in my mind ever exhibit any patience with me or it could be that old man lenny who might not even remember where he is and why he is knocking in the first place

if that is the case then it presents an entirely new quandary to the situation”

Da-Tel and Pack sighed. lucifer was surely inside, probably droning on and on to himself about analyzing just who was at the door and what they wanted. Pack finally let out an exhale and kicked the door down.

Sitting quietly amid the glowing lights from banks of computer monitors, lucifer sat with his back to the door, staring intently at a series of old fashioned chalk boards. Starting from the left board was a diagram, and a series of lines and arrows, each leading to the next board. Pack noted that anything written on the boards was in lower case and without any form of punctuation.

“Can’t you hear?” asked Pack, exasperation apparent in his voice, as Da-Tel flew over to a nearby desk and began trying to read what was on the boards.

“well at least now the question of who is knocking as been answered

however the question remains as to why you were knocking in the first place”

“We have a mission,” stated Pack, curtly. “We know you’ve been analyzing all the recent data and Coach needs to know if you’ve figured out where the ButtCave is yet.”

Da-Tel wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on. He was trying to follow the black boards that were in front of lucifer. Da-Tel noted that the boards began with the word “is” and from there it developed into boards trying to define the definition of and meaning of the word. So, luficer was trying to answer the question of just what is is? Jeeeeeeeez……..

“i have been poring over the numerous streams if information and data that have been gathered over the years

what is apparent is that the buttcave could not be in plain sight or in an obvious location such as the war room in Toronto or the nhl headquarters in new york

it would have to be somewhere that buttman holds very dear and perhaps have an even sacred meaning to both buttman and collie the boy clueless”

lucifer kept droning on and on……..Da-Tel wondered how long it took the man to decide what he wanted to eat for lunch. Or if it was even lunch, because it could technically be brunch, or even an early dinner perhaps….and ………..”ARRRGHHHHH….” Da-Tel shhok his head and screamed to no one in particular. “I’m beginning to think like him!”

Finally, Pack pulled a large utility knife from his boot and began to hone the blade….but his patience was wearing thin as lucifer droned on and on………and on……….

Pack had enough. He slammed the knife down into the desk beside lucifer. “IN ONE WORD,” said Pack. “JUST ONE WORD! WHERE DO YOU THINK THE BUTT CAVE IS????”

“pittsburgh i figured that out weeks ago all you had to do was ask nicely i don’t understand why the big fuss

it’s deep beneath mellon arena

and you will need some sort of cloaking device or jamming device if you plan on getting near it since the cave will certainly have the most sophisticated of detection systems”

Lucifer went on for about another minute before noticing that both Pack and Da-Tel had left his office. He shrugged his shoulders and turned his attention back to the blackboards. He noticed that Da-Tel had written something.

IS. Verb. 3rd person singular present indicative of be.

And below that he had written: “Don’t complicate everything!!!!”




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Vic50
Posted 2012-06-11 12:04 PM (#573233 - in reply to #573231)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


squatch - 2012-06-11 12:19 PM

Wow beautiful weekend didn't you guys have ANYTHING better to do with your lives? This is pretty pathetic.


Apparently you have enough free time in your life to post your comments.
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trc3640
Posted 2012-06-11 12:36 PM (#573235 - in reply to #573233)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Vic50 - 2012-06-11 2:04 PM

squatch - 2012-06-11 12:19 PM

Wow beautiful weekend didn't you guys have ANYTHING better to do with your lives? This is pretty pathetic.


Apparently you have enough free time in your life to post your comments.



And the hypocritical board police Vic right there to comment
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Coachrd
Posted 2012-06-11 12:59 PM (#573239 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Relax guys. This is supposed to be a goof and for folks to have fun.....
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BlackScorpio
Posted 2012-06-11 1:23 PM (#573242 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: RE: A new summer tale.....


Bet the secret password is Sidney Crosby....said in a Russian accent.

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DaTeL
Posted 2012-06-11 11:39 PM (#573288 - in reply to #573232)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 18593
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Location: Czech Republic
Coachrd - 2012-06-11 6:42 PM

or it could be that old man lenny who might not even remember where he is and why he is knocking in the first place



Priceless...oh and I figured out you can replace lenny with mjolnir there
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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-06-12 7:23 AM (#573293 - in reply to #573288)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
10000
DaTeL - 2012-06-12 1:39 AM

Coachrd - 2012-06-11 6:42 PM

or it could be that old man lenny who might not even remember where he is and why he is knocking in the first place



Priceless...oh and I figured out you can replace lenny with mjolnir there


lenny's older -- he deserves the accolades.
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Larry E
Posted 2012-06-12 9:37 AM (#573307 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: RE: A new summer tale.....


HAAAA Rick's at it again....

3 things I want .....

Margaritas out on the sun deck

Marty wrapped in a blanket

A hidden troll



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Coachrd
Posted 2012-06-12 12:28 PM (#573318 - in reply to #573307)
Subject: RE: A new summer tale.....


CHAPTER THREE


Back inside the operations room, the Delusional Pirates were discussing the next phase of the mission.

Now that the location of the ButtCave had been determined, the planning was undertaken in earnest.

It was agreed that OTG needed assets on the ground in the area of Mellon Arena. Since summer in Pittsburgh had somehow happened months before the NHL had ordered it to, the delusional pirates were sure that Buttman would be on highest alert. With the Crosbys eliminated from the playoffs, Buttman would have no interest in watching hockey at all.

In fact, Buttman was still trying to figure out how his master plan of ensuring the Cup would go to the Penquins had failed. He had arranged for the Pens to face that nut-job, slice of swiss cheese for a goalie Bryzgalov in the first round. That easily meant the Pens could score at will in round one. How could anyone have imagined the Penguins own goalies would give up 8 goals a game?????????

But I digress……..

It was agreed that scouts would have to get to Pittsburgh and reconnoiter the areas around Mellon. Pack and Da-Tel and their team would need to find out just where the hidden entrance to the ButtCave was, and how to get in. They also needed to develop plans to defeat the early warning detection systems and alarms that were sure to be in place.

The Special Ops group decided that the best way to approach the ButtCave would be from the west or southwest, from either Ohio or West Virginia. After all, the only people that would even want to find Buttman and Collie would be hockey fans, and the only thing people in West Virginia care about is Nascar, and, although Ohio does have an NHL team, not too many folks even know it.

Besides having a sophisticated early detection system, the ButtCave would also probably be defended by Penguins fans. They worshipped Buttman, since, it was because during his tenure, the Pens were……. ahem….winners of the lottery for the top selections in the draft and were also beneficiaries of some very……ahem……..interesting interpretations and calls from the on ice officials, and from Shanny.

Coach needed to think this through, so he, LarryE and Mjolnir headed out from OTG to the Village. There, aided by some pre-embargo Monte Cristo’s and a pitcher (or two) of perfect Patron Margaritas, the plan suddenly became crystal clear.

“There’s no need for any subterfuge”, said Coach. “We can easily put assets on the ground AND we can get Pack and his team into Pittsburgh easily, and without having to navigate through West Virginia.”

“How’s that?”, asked LarryE, as he signaled the waiter to bring another pitcher (or two).

“It’s simple. The ButtCave allegedly has the best sensors and warning devices. I’m sure their computers also can track weather and weather patterns….right?”

“Probably”, agreed Mjolnir.

“If so, then a storm coming from the west wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, correct?”, asked Coach

“So we just wait for a storm?” asked LarryE

“A storm, and the cover of darkness would work perfectly,” responded Coach.

“But what if we need to have the assets in place before a storm hits?”, said Mjolnir

Coach smiled. “Who says we have to wait? We have thunder and lightning right here in Thor’s hammer,” he said, pointing to Mjolnir. “And we have all the darkness we’ll ever need coming out of the west.”

LarryE and MJolnir looked at each other, puzzled.

“Guys….think. What’s west of Pittsburgh? Ohio…..and where are there always the darkest of clouds in Ohio?”

“COLUMBUS!!!” they laughed.

“Right!” said Coach. “We just get TRC to head to Pittsburgh, Sammye will throw some lightning and thunder in for effect, and we march our assets in right under the cover of the darkest cloud there is…..”

“PERFECT!!!” said LarryE


And the summer tale continues...............





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Vic50
Posted 2012-06-12 2:36 PM (#573334 - in reply to #573307)
Subject: RE: A new summer tale.....


Story getting interesting

After seeing Bettman in LA last night, he really needs to stay in his cave.
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trc3640
Posted 2012-06-12 10:16 PM (#573351 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


And I graduated from Univ of Pittsburgh + grew 55 miles north of that sh1t hole
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lennynyr
Posted 2012-06-12 11:20 PM (#573352 - in reply to #573293)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Mjolnir - 2012-06-12 9:23 AM

DaTeL - 2012-06-12 1:39 AM

Coachrd - 2012-06-11 6:42 PM

or it could be that old man lenny who might not even remember where he is and why he is knocking in the first place



Priceless...oh and I figured out you can replace lenny with mjolnir there


lenny's older -- he deserves the accolades.


LOL

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Coachrd
Posted 2012-06-15 2:25 PM (#573668 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



CHAPTER FOUR


Buttman and his faithful sidekick, Collie, the Boy Clueless, were patiently sitting in the ButtCave.

The hidden lair, secreted deep beneath the Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, served as a protective bubble for the most disliked commissioner in all of professional sports, except in the city of New Orleans.

The red phone on the side table began to flash and beep, signaling a call from above.

“Yes, Ray?”

On the other end, the commissioner’s lackey, Ray Shero, GM of the Buttman’s favorite team, the Penguins said, “Um, Mr. Buttman, I mean, Your Highness, I mean…..Your Commissionership”, stammered Shero. “HE is here.”

“Ask him to please come down…..and then send that asshole up there to bring us down some coffee.”

“Yes sir….right away, sir.”

Within minutes, the elevator in the Buttcave opened, and HE walked in. Silently, he strode to the desk, and sat in the overstuffed leather chair. HE swiveled back and forth in the big chair, and stared silently at Buttman and Collie.

After a few minutes of silence, HE finally spoke. “How disappointing. How very, very disappointing.”

Buttman sat silently.

“You have failed me….BOTH of you have failed me.” HE said.

“It wasn’t our fault, “ said Buttman. “We arranged for the best seed possible. Got you home ice. Got a matchup against Bryzgalov for God’s sake. We had Shanny make three ridiculous rulings for the Senators against the Rangers. We drugged Thomas and added inches to Holtby’s equipment. We even arranged for the Devils to matchup against the Panthers to ENSURE you’d get home ice for the rest of the Conference playoffs and YOUR goalie got lit up more than Times Square.”

“SILENCE!” He roared.

Buttman and Collie stared at their feet.

“You could have done more. Fleury is already serving his penance. But you could have done more……and you will.”

Before Buttman could speak, the elevator door opened, and Marc Andre Fleury, dressed in a French Maid’s uniform, with an iron ball chained to his ankle, entered the ButtCave, carrying a tray of coffee.

“You wanted coffee, monsieur?” he asked.

“Yes you worthless dog. Place it on the desk, “ HE ordered. Fleury placed the tray on the desk and mumbled “Maybe if your team gave a sh*t about defense….” under his breath as he exited.

“I HEARD THAT!” HE shouted. “I have NEVER cared about defense! The only defense I need is a goaltender….and YOU SUCK!”

As tears welled in his eyes, Fleury exited the cave.

“Now as for you two………” HE said. “The upcoming CBA had better not be botched like you botched the playoffs. The CUP was supposed to be MINE!!!!!”

Before Buttman or Collie could answer, HE raised his hand. “Do not speak. Listen to my plan for the CBA.”


And the summer tale continues………
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Larry E
Posted 2012-06-19 10:01 AM (#573858 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Ha - I like this one -
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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-07-07 4:37 AM (#575757 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
10000

Let's get crackin' Rick!
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sureshore
Posted 2012-07-07 7:39 AM (#575759 - in reply to #575757)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


All-Star

Posts: 1263
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Mjolnir - 2012-07-07 4:37 AM


Let's get crackin' Rick!


Thanks for the comment and bring this thread back to the top. I'm a newby as a contributor, but this is classic non-fiction.
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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-07-07 8:17 AM (#575761 - in reply to #575759)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
10000
sureshore - 2012-07-07 9:39 AM

Mjolnir - 2012-07-07 4:37 AM


Let's get crackin' Rick!


Thanks for the comment and bring this thread back to the top. I'm a newby as a contributor, but this is classic non-fiction.

You should search back for the previous editions.-- well worth it.
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Coachrd
Posted 2012-07-07 8:23 AM (#575762 - in reply to #575761)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


Sorry.....I was waiting for some UFA signings and things to occur.....I'll get it going again this week.
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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-07-07 8:27 AM (#575763 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
10000
That was just a GENTLE nudge. Could have used some on his long train ride home.
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Coachrd
Posted 2012-07-07 8:46 AM (#575764 - in reply to #575763)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


CHAPTER FIVE

After saying what HE had to say, HE rose and left the Buttcave. Before entering the elevator, HE turned and faced Buttman and Collie, the Boy Clueless.

“And…..,” he continued, “ remember, I will hold the two of you responsible for failure. You have seen that I have manipulated the Hall of Fame voting, and have denied Shanny entrance for his mis-deeds this year.”

“But Shanny ruled in your favor more than anything,” whined Collie.

“IT WAS NOT ENOUGH!!!!!” HE roared. “It is NEVER enough, unless we hold the Cup high at the end of the year.”

With that, HE turned, entered the waiting elevator, and left.

Buttman and Collie retreated to their sanctuary to contemplate HIS plan. It was becoming more and more difficult to manipulate everything HIS way….so much so that the media and the hard core fan base were discussing it openly.

“There’s no way we can tilt this,” said Collie.“NO way.”

“There has to be a way.”, said Buttman. “First, we have to open the cap room HE needs. I have an idea……”


Meanwhile, back at OTG, the Special Ops team had finished making plans of their own. It had been decided that the General and Steady Eddie would go into Pittsburgh under the cover of the dark clouds provided by trc. As the advance team, their job would be to become the eyes and ears on the ground, near the Mellon Arena, determining just where the secret entrance to the Buttcave was.

LarryE notified trc of the Ops group decisions.

“Is this really a good use of our assets?”, asked trc. “I mean, instead of using Legends and MVP’s, why shouldn’t we allocate a number of All-Stars, Scorers and Regulars.”

“This isn’t about asset allocation,” replied LarryE, sipping a Margherita, and making a face to the Coach.

“It’s always about asset allocation”, replied trc.

“Tell him I said his way is too Rasky” replied Coach. “Steady and the General are already underway to Columbus. Have trc meet up with them and get moving as soon as they arrive. Mjolnir will provide lightning if they need it…”

“Sh*t”, replied the ancient keeper of Thor’s hammer. “I forgot to put it on the charger.”



And the summer tale continues……..

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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-07-07 11:45 AM (#575766 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
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Thanks
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Steady Eddie
Posted 2012-07-07 12:53 PM (#575776 - in reply to #575766)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



MVP

Posts: 7555
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OMG, Chapter 2...

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Coachrd
Posted 2012-07-11 9:49 AM (#576139 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


CHAPTER SIX


Buttman hung up the phone. Maybe, just maybe, he could get this to fall into place. But how???

He had carefully delayed the start of the upcoming CBA negotiations. It wouldn’t be as easy this time. That damned Fehr knew how to run a union, the players weren’t going to be spineless sheep, and that damned Dolan, was making noise about big market teams’ rights.

And Snyder, that ungrateful SOB, he was backing Dolan……

He had hoped, that by delaying the negotiations, the GM’s and their henchmen would approach the UFA period with some concerns. But damn them…it was full speed ahead…and the Wild…THE FREAKIN’ WILD, had spent $ 196 MILLION ON TWO PLAYERS!!!!!!! What the hell??? Sather had put away his checkbook, and now the Wild had picked it up?

Just how the hell was he supposed to cry poverty when the Minnesota freaking Wild blew 200 million in one afternoon?????

Buttman had done everything he had been asked. Just as he had years ago, he manipulated everything so a small market team could return to glory. He even had it set so that the Oilers had gotten THREE number one overall picks in a row. If Buttman and Collie had satisfied HIS demands, manipulating everything so small market Pittsburgh could return to glory, and now had satisfied the small market teams by setting the Oilers up….what else was there to do?

He had hoped the delay would make the Governors and the union feel some pressure. He had to get the big boys, like Dolan, Snyder and the Canadian beer companies to back off their demands.

He had to get the union to stop asking so damned many questions. Just who does this Fehr fellow think he is, anyway? Audits, financials…..it was so much easier when the sheeples just wanted some money to play hockey.

Now he had to do disclosures in Phoenix. The damned union had proven that there was a little misunderstanding in the financial statements there….I mean, you’d think they’d understand a hundred million or so can easily be “mis-stated”.

The Devils were broke. Good for them…that freakin’ Lamoriello had found so many loopholes let him find his way out of this one, and that other SOB on Long Island….well….just wait.

Buttman’s biggest problem, though, was the CBA, and satisfying HIS demands. How could he order another lockout, saying there was no money, when Feaster and his small market team threw piles and piles of money at Dennis Wideman???????

When would they learn???????????

Suddenly…he had an idea.


And the summer tale continues…………..

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Mjolnir
Posted 2012-07-11 10:42 AM (#576156 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15910
10000
Uh oh.
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NTHockey
Posted 2012-07-11 10:58 AM (#576159 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



All-Star

Posts: 2205
1000
Location: Delaware, USA
I know, I know. Buttman is going to hire Sean Avery as Supervisor of Uniform Design. Initial rumors that all teams uniforms will have a patch on the sleeve with the letters FU on top and JT on the bottom.
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DaTeL
Posted 2012-07-11 11:00 AM (#576160 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 18593
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Location: Czech Republic
Nope. All teams will play in Penguins uniforms so that Pens always win.
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Coachrd
Posted 2012-07-14 12:11 PM (#576368 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


CHAPTER SEVEN


Back at OTG, the regulars were hanging around in Mandar’s Bar, discussing…..um….debating……um……arguing……..um…never mind…….talking about the UFA period and trades.

Suddenly, the news hit.

“The owners have opened their CBA position by offering a 20% salary rollback, reducing the cap from 70M to 57M, eliminating contracts longer than 5 years. They also have proposed lengthening entry level deals to 5 years, and extending the time before a player can become a free agent to 10 years…..oh…and the owners also want to eliminate arbitration.”

“Are they nuts?” said many of the Delusional Pirates

Meanwhile…..back in the Buttcave……Buttman was on the phone to HIM.

“I have presented what you wanted.”, said Buttman.

“Presentation is one thing,” HE said. “But getting it done is another. Remember the consequences if you don’t succeed in getting the lockout I need.”


And the summer tale continues………..



Edited by Coachrd 2012-07-14 12:12 PM
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NTHockey
Posted 2012-07-14 2:50 PM (#576377 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



All-Star

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Location: Delaware, USA
All kidding aside, this is going to be a LOOOOONG off season if that's the starting point. Obviously, Sather knew what the opening offer was going to be. That might be why he was unwilling/unable to trade or sign big names. There is absolutely nothing good here for the players.
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Mandar
Posted 2016-12-19 2:42 PM (#666031 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....


MVP

Posts: 9129
5000
Location: Katz Deli....I wish
wow....4 years ago......bumping this for all of our enjoyment.....Coach's tales were genius!!!
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concust
Posted 2016-12-20 8:29 AM (#666033 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



Legend

Posts: 15558
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Location: USA
I miss coach.

Don't really miss trc
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NTHockey
Posted 2016-12-26 5:02 AM (#666070 - in reply to #573181)
Subject: Re: A new summer tale.....



All-Star

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Location: Delaware, USA
A wonderful Christmas present, Coach. May the New Year bring many new chapters. With Columbus's recent play, perhaps an update with every team hiring Sean Avery as a roving coach. The team playing Columbus would have Avery on the bench, tormenting Tortso.
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