by Ranger Extreme
Woke up Early to play a golf game with my old friend Peter Pocklington today. We laughed And joked how We both are considered the biggest morons in Hockey History for trading out the greatest player of all time for what basically came down to a Krappa load of fishnagles. Speaking of fishnagles J.D and Toucan Sam Rosen joined us on our golf outing. I asked them to fly up at their own expense to hit the lynx and afterwards to join me and Pocky over at his palatial estate to go over the scripts I had prepared for them to repeat at nauseam for the 2001-2002 NYR season.
Thank god Diary this organization doesn’t let their TV announcers criticize their team until about game 78 when it’s obvious they will be missing the playoffs. There are some definite perks working with a team who has the announcer’s views and opinions in their hip pockets.
After a breathtaking round of golf in which I got lost yet again looking for my ball. We headed to the Gretzky Wing of Peter’s Estate to eat lunch. I was chomping at the bit to give Sam and J.D my “Slacks Offseason Acquisition Propaganda Sheet”. Or as I like to call it SOAPS. The sheet basically tells Sammy and Johnny what to say during every Ranger telecast concerning Myself, The Rangers and all 3 of my off season moves. I figure my SOAPS scripts are good for at least the first 20 games until we are 4-11-5. Then I’ll let Renney spin some creative stuff until the All-Star break to keep those Unwavering Ranger Fans appeased.
I must also say that I noticed at lunch J.D and Sam Nosen seem to be genuinely good friends unlike Peter or myself who both collectively don’t have one genuine bone in both our penny pinching bodies. At lunch Sam would even feed J.D chicken wings while John’s hands were fumbling through his SOAPS notes. The vision of me seeing Sam feeding J.D like that kinda reminded me of feeding time for the Walrus’s at Seaworld.
But I digress, after needling Sam for about 2 hours about his ridiculous comb over, They both left and flew back to N.Y with SOAPS in hand ready to spew forth the Slacks mantra to all those unsuspecting Ranger fans back in the Big Krapple. Peter then had me escorted off the grounds because of a pressing engagement he had at the Plastic Bottle Redemption center.
I then headed straight for home. When I arrived I checked my messages. It seems the cleaning lady had signed Sandy to an 888,000 contract earlier that day. I have to say she is a lifesaver. Sandrew is well worth it and it saved me a trip to god forbid my offices in NY. She forged my signature on the contract as usual but that’s surely no biggie. It did however remind me of the time last year when I had the UPS guy ink the Maladog deal for me even though he kept asking me repeatedly over the phone “Dude, Are you positive You wanna sign this clown?”