Slacks Diary 4

Slacks Diary – Weekend

by Ranger Extreme

Today was the day was most intense day of planning and thought I have had since those suckers I mean the Corporate Criminals at MSG hired me.

The First Task at hand on my rigorous agenda was trying to remember the damn phone number to my office In NY. Using all of the 3 of the remaining brain cells I had remaining from 1988 I did a quick redial on Donnie Maloney who had called me earlier. Don had rang me up just moments previous crying that some of the other kids at Former Islander Buffoon Fantasy Camp which he was attending were harassing him about our lack of major signings in the offseason.

According to Donnie a group of former Islander rejects which included Hector Marini, Brad Lauer and Derek Armstrong cornered him in the locker room while he was getting changed. Apparently they mocked poor Donnie’s infamous Brett Lindros quote by chanting,“ I think we got the better Lindros” over and over again sending Donnie into a uncontrollable crying fit.

I advised Don to turn the other cheek and ignore them. Which in retrospect was a bad idea . Don took my advice too literally and dropped his pants right there in the dressing room . That’s when the situation for Donny Boy became even uglier. It seems that the camp bully Wayne Mcbean came along and began teasing him mercislessly about our do nothing policy of GMing. To make things worse after the well deserved teasing Mcbean ended the conflict by giving Don a super atomic wedgie in front of everyone.

Poor Donny Diary 

The whole situation was a complete mess but I did get Donnie back into good spirits. I told him not to worry that Uncle Slacksy would make it all better. I informed him just before he had called me, my wife and I were both in the Jacuzzi planning our second annual ”Summer Of Nothing” BBQ, And not to worry he was definitely invited and he could even sit at the Grown-up table with his Uncle Slacksy, Ron Low and Walt ” Daddy Warbucks” Kyle.

Immediately after I hung up with Donnie my wife, myself and my houseboy Petr Klima Began working on the guest list for the BBQ. We started off by listing all the players that would have made the NYR a bit better if I hadn’t been on the golf course fishing my errant shots out of the drink. Speaking of drinks I really do enjoy those little SIPS Juice containers. They come with straws already built in and are really easy for me to open up.

My wife and Petr recanted all the players I got caught snoozing on during my “Summer Of Nothing 2001” Included on the guest list we made were Jaromir Jagr of course, Mike Peca, Alexei Yashin, Alexander Mogilny, Donald Audette, Jeremy Roenick, Pierre Turgeon, Doug Weight, and last not but not least Valeri Bure. The wifey and me as an act of good faith decided to invite the Icelander flunkie briantrust of Mike Milbury and Charles Wang.

Milbury and Wang when in public are funnier then the comedy team of Martin and Lewis especially after they have imbibed several Mikes Hard lemonades and someone mentions anything about drafting goalies in the first round. I figure I will razz them a whole Krappa load about how they mortgage most of their Youth for players who still haven’t signed yet. It will also give me the opportunity to rub in their faces the Zdeno Ciger signing as well.

We also have decided to make Craig Patrick and George Mcphee the guests of honor at the BBQ. As well as the entire Roster of golfers that were at the Charity golf tournament that kept my feeble mind occupied while I missed the boat on Jagr deal. After all, these nogoodniks were solely responsible for my Slacks “Summer of Nothing”.

It surely wasn’t myself Diary or was it ? (wink)

On Monday Ill tell ya’ll about my BBQ<


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